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Mu Mu
Mu Mu
2786 posts


Stereotyping You By Your Favorite Album of 2011

Fucked Up — David Comes to Life
Angry punks who nevertheless have a place for Queen’s Greatest Hits in the record collection that’s still on the shelf at their mom’s house.

Oneohtrix Point Never — Replica
People who are not ashamed to have spent an unspecified sum (rumored to extend to five figures) purchasing vintage Russian synthesizers on eBay.

Lady Gaga — Born This Way
Those waifish, unfeasibly attractive “DJs” you see looking hugely uncomfortable behind the decks at Fashion Week parties.

John Maus — We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves
Anyone who wears a sports coat with those leather elbow pad thingys.

Wild Flag — Wild Flag
The entire population of Portland, Oregon.

Girls — Father, Son, Holy Ghost
Lapsed Catholics with burgeoning drug habits.

Battles — Gloss Drop

Lil B — I’m Gay (I’m Happy)

Atlas Sound — Parallax
Nocturnal OCD types who rarely leave their bedrooms, where they’ve set up a recording studio that’d make Rick Rubin whistle in appreciation.

Bon Iver — Bon Iver
People who spent hours trying to decide between beige and off-white for their living room walls.

Frank Ocean — Nostalgia, Ultra
Bros who secretly like Jodeci.

Drake — Take Care
Bros who openly like Jodeci.

The Weeknd — House of Balloons
Bros who goddamn worship Jodeci, and do you have a problem with that?!

Arctic Monkeys — Suck It and See
Anglophiles who buy the print edition of NME and insist on using slightly jarring anglicisms whenever they talk to you. Know what I mean? Innit?

EMA — Past Life Martyred Saints
Indie girls with newly bleached blonde hair.

Tom Waits — Bad As Me
Relatives and/or friends of relatives who are on the wrong side of 50 but still ask you to make them mix CDs of “interesting new music” whenever you see them.

Kurt Vile — Smoke Ring for My Halo
“Dude! Duuuuuuuuude! You gotta try this new bud I got from my dealer…”

Blanck Mass — Blanck Mass
“Dude! Duuuuuuuuude! You gotta try these new tabs I got from my dealer…”

PJ Harvey — Let England Shake
Music journalists.

Pictureplane — Thee Physical
People who like Salem and Enya, and see nothing unusual about this.

Shabazz Palaces — Black Up
Dudes who look like Dev Hynes, own a large proportion of Warp’s back catalogue, and smile sadly if anyone mentions Watch the Throne in their presence.

Chelsea Wolfe — Ἀποκάλυψις
Slightly creepy types who have a fascination with ancient Egypt and a penchant for checking the ▲WI╪CHBØØK▲ group on Facebook several times a day.

Panda Bear — Person Pitch… no, wait, it’s called Tomboy
Those people who stare at you blankly when you tell them a joke, and then start laughing sheepishly about 12 minutes later, by which time the conversation has moved onto another topic entirely.

Zola Jesus — Conatus
People who wear black. And only black.

The Horrors — Skying
Dudes who heard Tears For Fears on the Donnie Darko soundtrack and aren’t ashamed to admit they enjoyed it.

Gang Gang Dance — Eye Contact
Trippers who have been trying for several years to bring those ’80s hypercolor T-shirts “back.”

Balam Acab — Wander/Wonder
College kids who were always picked last for sports teams at high school but are finding that suddenly spectacles and a penchant for wearing T-shirts several sizes too large aren’t such a handicap any more.

M83 — Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
People who used to read Pitchfork compulsively and now find themselves reading Spin, for reasons they can’t elucidate and would rather not think about.

Julianna Barwick — The Magic Place
Earnest scholarly types who will happily use the word “ethereal” in everyday conversation.

Björk — Biophilia
Well-to-do 30-somethings who shop exclusively at Whole Foods and still think iPads are just the coolest things ever.

tUnE-yArDs — w h o k i l l
QuIrKy gIrLs wItH bRoKeN k e y b o a r d s.

Cults — Cults
Underage music fans who have just moved to Brooklyn, are super-excited about everything, and are prone to overusing the word “like.”

Justice — Audio, Video, Disco
Dudes with unconvincing moustaches and even more unconvincing French accents.

James Blake — James Blake
People who’ve just decided that they really rather like this “new dubstep thing.”

Beyoncé — 4
People who buy one record a year.

Yuck — Yuck
People who buy one record a year but consider themselves “indie.”

Eleanor Friedberger — Last Summer
Girls who are really, really looking forward to the new Best Coast album.

The Black Keys — El Camino
Bros who can’t understand why you keep ragging on Rolling Stone, anyway.

Radiohead — The King of Limbs
Increasingly world-weary 30-somethings who can’t quite bring themselves to admit that this probably wasn’t actually the best album of the year.

Wilco — The Whole Love
Old high-school friends who subscribe to Uncut.

Cold Cave — Cherish the Light Years
Bros who think that talking about minimal wave is a good strategy for getting laid.

Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx — We’re New Here
Dinner party hosts who shift uncomfortably in their seats when you play them the original I’m New Here.

Jay-Z and Kanye West — Watch the Throne
Heavyset men who own gigantic flat screen televisions, hugely expensive “Beats by Dre” headphones, and large, gas-guzzling SUVs.

Gillian Welch — The Harrow and the Harvest
People who own banjos.

Fleet Foxes — Helplessness Blues
People who own banjos and live in the city.

Kate Bush — 50 Words for Snow
Aunties in long skirts who live in the country and are often described by the rest of the family using words like “eccentric” and/or phrases like “black sheep.”

St. Vincent — Strange Mercy
Brooklyn-based daughters of aunties in long skirts who live in the country and are often described by the rest of the family using words like “eccentric” and/or phrases like “black sheep.”

R. Kelly — Love Letter
People you would never, ever leave alone with your children.

Katy B — On a Mission
The Guardian, inexplicably.

Lou Reed & Metallica — Lulu
That one friend who has to have a contrary opinion on everything. Although this might be a challenge, even for him/her.

Dec 22, 2011, 19:14


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